Monday, May 12, 2003

I forgive her.

It wasn't me who turned it into something dirty and twisted. I was here for her. I meant it. I was real and true and honest and well-intentioned and classy and HONORABLE. I cared; I still do. All she has to do is ask, if she wants that back. Some obsessions are sweet and honorable, not dangerous. But she'd rather trust a pimp who uses her and lies to her so he can use her as a meal ticket. Above all else she's self-destructive, you see? And I don't want her filthy money.

My conscience is clear.

Did I make mistakes? Sure. Trusting was the main one, in fact. But I'm her friend even if she isn't mine. I gave my word and I keep that.

I forgive her. But I failed her, and it's hard to forgive myself for that, however well-intentioned.

And I do love her.


ADD: I'm sorry I failed you, beau_y. If I had been better, it wouldn't be this way. I blame myself. I'm so sorry.