Thursday, June 08, 2006

The fact that the symbol of the female goes into your mouth says to me that abstinence-only proponents are mostly afraid of real sex ed because they themselves are a little hazy on the mechanics. Also, do they actually think hymens are made of plastic wrap?

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Since I stumbled across that C_____(SOME #) site -- w/ wassername, D something or other -- I can't get THIS out of my head:

One time, while in a very trusting mood, I was spouting off about the neuropathy in my hands and feet, the numbness, the lack of feeling ... And I regretted it almost instantly because it made you cry; we were so close then and it hurt you and I didn't realize that it would affect you so. Hell, it even bummed out S___ (with a Y)(and an L, you know the guy), and I was stunned at the depth of emotion there. Later to go away when you made up the email thingie to get me thrown out of the inner circle because you thought I'd blab, but all that's beside the point, I'm degressing ad nauseum ...

The point is that I told you that and I further told you that my doctor prescribes for me, for the neuropathy, a drug called Neurontin. And I distinctly remember (and I wrote it down in the M_____ journal, M for mystery, call it, or that name) you said, with obvious pain, "that's what they give girls who rub too much". I wondered how you knew that. I mean, that would take a lot of, ummm, rubbing.

Well, after seeing that site and the past (present?), I understand. And there's something tragic about it. There always was.

Do you remember almost the first words I spoke to J____ was something like, jeez, doesn't that get sore? It always bothered me. It still does.

Searching for sweet M_____ across all these, ummm, places (and they are LEGION, as I'm sure you know) ... well, it just bothers me. Pain. Numbness. Discomfort. Neurontin. A hidden side. And it is tragic.

BTW: I was hospitalized for a couple of days last October for an infection in my foot (toenail, no feelng, diabetes, trouble), and before I got to the hospital, I was told to soak the foot in warm water. Fine. Stupid me got the water too hot, and I couldn't feel it 2nd degree burn the top of my foot. Stupid. Dumb. I'm fine. But you and all those other ladies out there worry me.

Hell, you've always worried me. Ah, well. Just some thoughts.

Memory sometimes is a bitch.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

And Slavic cheekbones are, in my estimation, as high-concept as art can possibly be.

Well said!

(even though he is a fucking bouncer)

"You must understand," said he, "it's not love. I've been in love, but it's not that. It's not my feeling, but a sort of force outside me has taken possession of me. I went away, you see, because I made up my mind that it could never be, you understand, as a happiness that does not come on earth; but I've struggled with myself, I see there's no living without it. And it must be settled." -- Tolstoy, "Anna Karenina"

Sunday, June 04, 2006

oh and i know the thing was a years old tape ... please, a little credit
probably not too many people remember that J__________ said, in her faq, that she'd love to go to Amsterdam, such a "different culture", it said, the faq

But I do
Looks like D_____ boy pulled the plug on the java chat on bgc.c

probably cuz I've been slipping in there occasionally -- not too much, now and again when feeling particularly lonesome and blue, nostalgic -- for the past few months after a loooooooooooong absence; thinking maybe, just maybe, please god please god ... nah .... well i'll check ... right, nobody, as i guessed

Still, why have it up for 7 fucking years? It was J_________'s room, for her friends. And I am one, her best friend if she'd only realize it

Yeah, well, anyway ... one time i left my names for both yahoo and aim, and he sure couldn't have that

maybe i'm wrong, but get the feeling he edits me ... like edits me OUT, with lies, tricks, hiding this, losing that, sealing this passage or that, banning me from p.s., etc etc etc ... he's been editing me for a long time, though not for a long time, but only because i quit trying for my own reasons (not another, no; there will never be another; i'm spoiled and totally smitten and besotted)

but the fucker edits me and seals my passages to, well, you ...

and a hearty FUCK YOU DAN for that

he better never hit you and i find out about it ... fucking commie user .... i was atari ... and commies were all slime (we Atarians were sweet, decent, intelligent fellows, by contrast)

i sure will miss that chat room ... just the IDEA of it being there, even if i avoided it, was comforting to me

and I know he sealed it because of me

when i finally go to sleep i'm going to think about slamming him in the face with a baseball bat full of very long, sharp nails

(just a dream)

dahm - uh - NIK (hey, wicked N, never mind) - uh ..... huh?

yet another phony monicker, i know i know ... my brain hurts

Happy cj death day ... oh yes

seen codename around lately?
dah - muh - NICK - uh

4 syllables, not 3, I played the teaser tape

Jesus Christ, I just discovered that today, after all this time ... I'm slipping.

And I didn't even discover it; it was emailed to me, and, sumbitch ... There's so much to say: I can't say anything at all.

Another friend of mine died one year ago today, but that's another story ...