Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Dim Lights, Thick Smoke (And Loud, Loud Music)
Lyrics: Max Fidler, Joe Maphis, Rose Lee Maphis
Music: Max Fidler, Joe Maphis, Rose Lee Maphis

Dim lights, thick smoke, and loud, loud music
Is the only kind of life you'll ever understand
Dim lights, thick smoke and loud, loud music
You'll never make a wife to a home-lovin' man

A home and little children mean nothing to you

A house filled with love and a husband so true
You'd rather have a drink with the first guy you meet
And the only home you'll know is the club down the street


Out drinkin' and dancin' to a honky tonk band
Is the only kind of life you'll ever understand
Go out and have your fun, you think you've played it smart
I'm sorry for you and your honky tonk heart

Yesterday was a bad day. Always is. It was the 32nd anniversary of my dad's death, at age 49, and the 8th anniversary of Shane's death, at age 39. It will get me one of these years, if I don't get me first. July 6. Always a date to live in infamy; I have known since 1996 that God definitely hates me and wishes to play evil little tricks on me. And know what? I can't do a goddamn thing about it. He does what He wants to do.

But that's me. That doesn't mean you can't be saved, both from yourself and the Big One. And if I can't pray for myself with any hope of success, I will continue to pray for You.

Footnote: And I haven't had a friend since Shane died, and Eddie blew his head off in '95. I'm a full-time nurse for my mother and I haven't a soul to talk to. I thought I had made friends in that chat group back in '99, but You and God saw to it that didn't last. (Although I still care very much about
Sonya; try not to bother her, though.) A rare duet between the two of you. Out of sheer meanness. But, obviously, I don't hold it against You. You're a wounded bird, lashing out at any and all things; You can't help it. He is another matter.

Give Him a call. You need to get your shit together, kid, and not have it packed like fudge by strangers for money. It ain't worth it.